So many of us have started working towards a goal feeling motivated and confident — only to fall off after a few weeks feeling like we’ve let ourselves down. If you can relate to this, you’re not alone.

While this pattern in incredibly common — especially when it comes to New Years resolutions —it’s rarely due to a lack of willpower or discipline.

A far more likely culprit is the all-or-nothing mindset quietly working against you — watching, judging, and making it way harder than it needs to be.

Let’s talk about why that happens — and what actually helps instead.

1. All-or-Nothing Goals Leave No Room for Real Life

All-or-nothing goals tend to sound like:

I’m doing this perfectly or not at all.
If I miss a day, I’ve blown it.
I’ll restart when things calm down.

The problem is that real life doesn’t cooperate.

Kids get sick. Work gets busy. Energy dips. Plans change. Life happens.

When your goal and your mindset doesn’t allow for flexibility, even small disruptions can make it feel easier to quit than to continue imperfectly.

What helps instead:
Building goals that can bend. Plans that still “count” even when they’re adjusted. Health habits that work with your life — not only in ideal circumstances.

For example, if you’re meant to do a strength training workout on a Wednesday, but something happens and you suddenly don’t have enough time for the workout you want and everything else, then you may need to adjust.

Maybe your dog would miss out on his walk if you strength train, or you won’t have time while your kiddo is napping or at school. When things like these come up, maybe, instead, take your dog on a long walk or plan a very active and fun game to play with your little one when they wake up or get home from school. It might be that this will be your movement that day. This happens. It’s ok. You will have another day where you do have the time to get just the workout you want, so try not to stress more than you need to, try not to beat yourself up. All movement is good movement.

a woman showed from the waist down in leggings and a sweatshirt tied around her waist, walking her dog down a city street — Photo by Tatiana Rogriguez via Unsplash

2. One “Off” Day Starts to Feel Like Failure

In an all-or-nothing mindset, there’s often a strong line between on track and off track.

A skipped workout, an unplanned meal, or a low-energy day can quickly turn into:

guilt
frustration
the urge to throw the whole plan out

Not because the day itself was a problem — but because the goal didn’t leave room for being human. The reality is, the line between on track and off track is blurred, and it’s so important not to beat yourself up because of a set back.

What helps instead:
Redefining what it means to stay consistent. One off day doesn’t erase progress. It’s just a day. The ability to come back — without punishment — matters far more than avoiding slip-ups altogether.

For example, if you want to start exercising 4 days each week, but your kid gets sick one day and you just haven’t slept because of it — it’s ok if you only exercise 3, or even 2, days that week! When life happens, and it inevitably will, don’t stress more than you need to. Give yourself some grace, and with that grace be sure to remind yourself that this isn’t the end of your goals, it’s simply a hiccup — and that’s OK. Understand that you will get back on track the next week, and that goals are almost never linear, they are zig zags, squiggly lines, and semi-circles.

3. Extremes Are Hard to Sustain Long-Term

All-or-nothing goals often ask a lot, all at once:

strict food rules
intense workout schedules
major routine overhauls

That kind of intensity can work short-term. But it usually comes at a cost: burnout.

When a plan requires constant effort and attention, it becomes harder to maintain — especially during stressful or busy seasons.

As you build upon your goals, you can increase in intensity if you want to. But to begin your goals with such restrictions and intensity can feel really overwhelming and often times can leave us to “freeze” rather than achieve our goals.

What helps instead:
Choosing habits that feel manageable most days. Small, supportive actions done consistently tend to outperform extreme plans that only work when motivation is high.

For example, if you want to start creating healthier eating habits, start by adding in healthy foods you like rather than cutting out the less healthy foods. This can feel more attainable and easier to build upon, and it can also be more sustainable in the long run, as well.

A burger and potato chips with a side salad in a bowl — Photo by Ricardo Moura via Unsplash

4. Progress Gets Measured Too Narrowly

With an all-or-nothing mindset, progress often gets measured by a single outcome:

a number
a streak
a perfect week

Anything short of that can feel like falling behind — even when other positive changes are happening.

This narrow view can make it hard to notice growth that does matter and isn’t necessarily measured by a number:

better energy
improved consistency
a more neutral relationship with food or movement

What helps instead:
Zooming out. Looking at patterns over weeks instead of days. Letting progress include how sustainable something feels — not just how impressive it looks.

Keep a journal to document your progress. Record all the little wins. You can even record your setbacks, as well, because sometimes the most growth can come from setbacks or what we perceive as “failure”. Every month or so, take a look back through your journal and see how far you’ve come and where you’ve experienced the most growth. After all, small hinges swing big doors.

5. It Makes Restarting Feel Harder Than It Needs to Be

One of the biggest downsides of all-or-nothing goals is how hard they make restarting.

When the expectation is perfection, starting again can feel heavy — like you need to gather motivation, energy, and confidence all at once before you’re allowed back in.

That delay often keeps people stuck longer than necessary, and it often feels like an invitation to drift even further away from your goals.

What helps instead:
Creating a “baseline” you can always return to. Simple habits. Familiar meals. Gentle movement. Something steady to land on when life feels messy.

For example, write down your list of goals, and make sure that they follow the S.M.A.R.T outline. Once you have a small list of goals written out, take a look and try to picture ways in which you may have to be flexible with each goal at some point. If you have a goal of exercising 5 days a week, maybe understand that there will be some weeks where you only have time to exercise 3-4 times.

This mindset isn’t meant to make you comfortable with failure, it’s meant to make you comfortable and ok with being flexible and adjusting where you need to, when you need to.

Here’s a closer look at S.M.A.R.T goals:

Specific: goals that are clear and specific— for example, rather than “I want to eat healthier”, try “I want to eat less sugar to gain more energy”.

Measurable: define how you will measure your progress and what milestones you want to see along the way.

Attainable: make sure your goals are attainable and realistic for your lifestyle.

Relevant: is the goal relevant to your lifestyle and does it contribute to the broader picture? Do they align with your long-term goals?

Time-based: What is the realistic time-frame for you to meet your milestones?

Some days need more support than others — and that’s part of sustainable health.

meal prep table with potatos, ground beef, diced carrots, and diced green beans — Photo by Gilberto Olimpio via Unslpash

A Gentler Way Forward

If all-or-nothing approaches haven’t worked for you in the past, that doesn’t mean you failed. It usually means the approach asked for more than real life could give.

Sustainable health is rarely about doing everything right.
It’s about choosing something you can return to — even after a pause, even imperfectly.

That’s the mindset I come back to again and again, both personally and in my work.

If You Want Something Simple to Lean On

If you’re working on letting go of all-or-nothing thinking but still want a bit of structure, I created a free guide with balanced meal templates you can use flexibly — without rules or tracking.

They’re designed to support you on both higher-energy days and days when life feels like a lot.

If that feels helpful, you can download them here.

👉 Get the free 5 Balanced Meal Templates

Health doesn’t have to be extreme to be effective.
Steady, flexible, and kind often works better — and lasts longer.

You’re allowed to take the gentler (and oftentimes, more attainable and sustainable) path.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, mental health provider, or a licensed dietician, and therefore this is not official licensed medical, clinical, or nutrition advice. These are things that I have implemented in my own life and utilized in my personal training, health coaching, and nutrition coaching practice after spending a substantial amount of time studying and practicing these techniques in fitness, habit change, and nutrition (still, I’m not a dietician). They are not meant to cure any ailment, and they are certainly not meant to serve as a replacement for any mental or medical healthcare treatment. It is important to always consult your own physician before beginning an exercise, mental health, nutrition or supplement program of any type.

Why All-or-Nothing Health Goals Backfire — and What to Do Instead